lifestyle · Uncategorized

Bachie Recap – Season 7 Episode 12

Tonight’s episode opens with Bachie driving his HYUNDAI to pick up Helena and spruiks the shit outta this thing. Like, they’re just not even being subtle anymore. They arrive at a nondescript field to find a wooden timeline board where Bachie reveals that they will be mapping out their future milestones together. Bachie’s excited for this because Helena has apparently been guarded and this is definitely the best way to lock her down. Good Bachie, good. Bachie asks her if they will live in Perth or Melbourne and where they should travel and I AM GETTING STRESS RASH FOR HER. PUT THE TIMELINE AWAY BACHIE, THIS IS DEFINITELY AN ACTIVITY BETTER SUITED TO EMMA.

Back at Bachie mansion, Ellie, Chelsie and Emma are talking about Helena’s date with Bachie and Emma’s still salty that Helena has never been rejected by a man and that is deadset sour grapes in her mug.

Salty Emma again

On the date, Bachie is surprised that Helena hasn’t taken to planning out the next 50 years with someone she’s known for 25 minutes. He changes approach and takes her over to a fake moon and a bath which makes no fkn sense. They talk about the timeline activity and Helena admits she’s never had her heart broke and it’s pretty clear that she’s never watched The Lion King because I can confidently say my heart was first torn to shreds at the tender age of six. She goes on to say she could see herself falling in love with Bachie, to which he says he’s over the moon. No Bachie, only I may pun.


The next day, Ellie admits she’s salty at letting Abbie have one-on-one time with Bachie over her at the last cocktail party. Emma wonders if this is all just a game for Abbie and if Bachie is just a prize. That is exactly what this all is Emma. You’ve been here 6 weeks now. Lift your game.

The gal pals arrive at a painting studio where Bachie is wearing his science glasses. Osher explains the girls will be painting a portrait with an extra AF drag queen and I am absolutely here for this challenge. Everyone is stroppy that Abbie and Bachie are sat next to one another and complain to one another that they won’t be getting extra time with Bachie while making no effort to approach him. The drag queen pulls Chelsie aside for a chat and it’s god damn beautiful.

It’s time for everyone to reveal their paints and Ellie’s is….confusing? Like, Picaso, but make it fashion.


Abbie’s painting is the stuff nightmares are made of and I’m pretty sure I will not be sleeping at all ever again.


Chelsie wins some one on one time with Bachie in another fire hazard room with wine, but no cheese, because Bachie doesn’t want to come second place to some brie like last night. Bachie and his science glasses says he’s concerned about Chelsie’s issues with self worth and Chelsie says she’s working on it and I think the best thing she did was come on a show where she’s competing against 27 other women for one man. She says she could also see herself falling in love with him, and I think this turn of phrase is overtaking ‘journey’ as the most overused term on Bachie.

At the cocktail party, all the girls agree they’d like to talk to Bachie, which seems like a good strategy. Emma points out that Ellie is stressed AF about wanting to talk to Bachie and suggests she speaks to him first to put her mind at ease because Emma is an adult. Abbie says this is the first time she’s gone into a cocktail party without having a rose already and poor sweetheart is scared. When Bachie arrives, Abbie pulls him aside first and Emma and Ellie are seeeeeeeething.

Ellie pulls Bachie away from Abbie for a chat and explains she’s got all the feels for him and then goes on to say she doesn’t think Abbie has good intentions. After their chat, Abbie talks to Ellie about her pulling Bachie aside first when they’d all decided on an order. Abbie tells Ellie she is only here for Bachie and not for friendships and she’s definitely someone I want on my dodgeball team because she just gives zero fks.

At the rose ceremony, Kristen is sent home, despite lots of montages of solemn Ellie and Abbie.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s