lifestyle · Uncategorized

Bachie Recap – Season 7 Episode 9

Tonight’s episode opens with the ladies casually lounging around the house in full hair and makeup. Osher arrives and tells them they need to be pulled out of their comfort zone and I just don’t know that anyone’s comfort zone includes a nationally broadcast dating show, but continue. Osher reveals the theme for this week is ‘dangerous romance’ and I just feel like 28 women and one man is dangerous enough, but sure. He leaves a date card which says Ellie will be joining Bachie on a single date and the girls are visibly pissed.

Ellie and Bachie meet in a non-descript field, and Ellie says she can smell some burning and deducts that it must be fire related. Good. They meet two fire dancers and Ellie says things like “streuth almighty” that makes me believe she’d have been better suited to last year’s Bachie.


The fire dancers demonstrate a fire dance routine and tell Bachie and Ellie they’ll be learning a dance, but will first need to change into less flammable attire. Bachie is offered a leather vest and Ellie admits it really pumps her nads.

Back at the mansion, Mary is lamenting Bachie life without a single date. The girls move onto not remotely scripted chatter about Rachael having a crush on someone who isn’t Bachie and how very dare she not be in love with the one man they’ve been exposed to in months.

On the single date. Bachie and Ellie are performing their firedance and I just so badly want to hear Prodigy right now. The two talk about how much chemistry they have and all the feelings the have and it’s gross but lovely. After their pseudo sexual fire dance, Ellie and Bachie have some canoodling in front of a less dangerous fire and eat marshmallows. Bachie tells Ellie he was excited to have a second date with her and uses words to describe her like “lovely” and I just wish he’d call someone a straight up train wreck so it would be a little more relatable, ya know?

Rachael and Abbie are at the mansion are chatting about how Rachael hasn’t had a single date with Bachie, but isn’t bummed because she has a plan B school girl crush on a crew member. Everyone in the mansion is now talking about Rachael not being head over heels in love with Bachie and I’m confused because they all hate each other for being head over heels in love with Bachie. Mary reveals she plans to tell Bachie about Rachael’s indifference towards him at the next cocktail party and I am all about this orchestrated organic drama.

beach lamenting

The next day, Bachie laments love on the beach. He says he’s invited Nichole with an H, Abbie, Sogand, Kristen and Chelsie on a group date. Bachie and Osher talk about how much baggage they take when travelling and in a total subtle segue, how much emotional baggage they take in to new relationships. Each girl has one suitcase, which is not nearly enough, let’s be honest, and is instructed to label their actual baggage with their emotional baggage.


Bachie reveals his emotional baggage is heartbreak and you can actually see the collective swoon from the girls. He then says they will all be releasing their emotional baggage by skydiving, which feels like a long bow to draw, but yep. Kristen is scared AF, but boards the plane like a damn trooper.

There’s a cocktail party and Rachael keeps saying she’s excited for her plan B and I just really feel like we should find another non-problematic name for her tryst. Bachie arrives in his science glasses and says he feels like the man in black and deadest none of those girls would have gotten the reference.

Bachie and Mary have a chat where Mary spills the tea about Rachael’s plan B. Bachie says his issue is not that Rachael doesn’t like him, but rather that someone could go home when she’s just not feeling the love and Bachie and his science glasses are just so adult.

Bachie confronts Rachael, who is conveniently doing a piece to camera about her plan B and she admits that she’d given her number to a member of the crew. She says it was a joke and one of the girls has spilled the tea to make her look bad and I feel like it was the wedding dress introduction that possibly planted that seed, but sure.

There’s a rose ceremony, where Nikki and her overt facial reactions are sent home and I just don’t know how we will know the girls are shook without her expressive and emotive face conveying as much.

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