Tonight, we open with a Bachie montage in nature where he ponders Brexit and climate change, but mostly if Monique called him a cocker spaniel. Bachie says he’s decided (read: the stern producers decided) to invite Abbie and Monique on a not-at-all awkward group date with a few of the other gal pals.
Bachie reveals he’s been a groomsman of best man at a number of weddings and I have to wonder how many lemon meringue suits he’s had to wear in his duties as groomsman. He says he loves weddings and marriage and can’t wait to get married and Emma says she’s excited to see what they’re doing today and NO EMMA, YOU’RE NOT GETTING MARRIED TODAY.
Osher reveals they’ll be playing a game that doesn’t actually exist and I just wish they’d stop giving him these creative liberties because these games are terrible. Bachie does a series of bouquet tosses and even as I’m typing this, I can sense Gloria Steinem rolling her eyes.
Back at Bachie mansion, Helena makes the crazy prediction that something will go down between Monique and Abbie. And in other groundbreaking news, water is wet.
The next round of Osher’s game madness sees Vakoo, Abbie, Nikki, Cassandra and Kristen in wedding dresses playing a compatibility game which no one, including myself, understands the rules to. Vakoo wins some one on one time and I for one am excited for all the smizing that will undoubtedly take place.
Vakoo says she’s feeling a lot of things and then nervous giggles and then has a sip of wine and if that’s not every girl in the world then what is, really? Bachie is worried they’re not at the same stage in their lives and then he tells her he had a good time and DIDN’T GIVE HER A ROSE, which, let’s be honest, is like the kiss of death in Bachieland.
The next morning, the girls are wondering who might get the next single date and Emma is keen as mustard. Bachie arrives and Nikki says he looks finger looking good and that’s pretty uncomfortable. Chelsie is given the single date and Emma isn’t happy because they were already married in her mind.
Bachie and Chelsie drive off in a HYUNDAI and go to Bachie’s house, which is a smaller version of Bachie mansion. They enter the kitchen to find a whole set up of flour and eggs to bake all the things, but instead choose to have a bit of a cute little food fight. Bachie re-appears with banana bread and a loud shirt and I am just all about his wardrobe choices. Chelsie says this could be a taste of what it’s like in day to day life……sans cameras, constructed dates and sequin gowns of course. Bachie reaffirms that he is a nerd (the technical term is actually dorks malorkus). Bachie gives her a rose and they’re adorable and make me sick.
At the cocktail party, the girls are nervous about the tension from the last party resurfacing tonight and so long as no one else called Bachie a cavalier king charles spaniel, we should be right. Bachie pulls Monique aside for a chat, where Monique apologises for the situation where she didn’t call Bachie a curly coated retriever, but also that she can’t remember the context of her calling or not calling him a cesky terrier and is it last night already? Bachie says he doesn’t think she should be in the house anymore and walks her to the car, which I hope is an Uber X, because chivalry should not be dead.
Osher appears and tells the other girls that Monique got served and was sent home and all the girls are shocked as though there wasn’t going to be an eviction at the rose ceremony anyway. Sogand says she’s devastated that Monique is gone and I just feel like she needs to have her eyes on the prize instead.
At the rose ceremony, Sogand laments about the possibility of going home because she was friends with Monique/Monique adjacent. In the end, Vakoo is sent home and is definitely not smizing.