lifestyle · Uncategorized

Bachie Recap – Season 7 Episode 3

The girls are chilling out in their mansion in affluent Sydney and Abbie just looks like at home in her Canadian Tuxedo and somewhere in the world, JT and Britney feel whole again.

Abbie double denim

Vakoo announces that she missed out on the last cocktail party because she was sick but we all know because of my Nancy Drew style sleuthing that it was obviously smizing related exhaustion. The girls fill Vakoo in on all the drama and tell her six girls went home and she acts super shocked as though she didn’t notice half a dozen empty beds since returning back to the fancy house. Rachael wonders if the new girls feel included and I don’t understand why the new girls would feel out of place after such a warm welcome from the OG bachettes last week. She then goes on to say that the noobs are not her type of people and I’m pretty sure she said that about erryone else on the first night, but okay.

Meanwhile, the ‘new’ girls are talking about how lovely the ‘old girls’ (OMFG who am I?!) are and how everyone is bonding and oh, honey, no. It’s not a thing.

Single date time! Bachie arrives wearing a loud shirt at FLEMINGTON RACECOURSE and tells us that Ellie (golden ticket winner #SozGrandpaJoe) will be joining him at FLEMINGTON RACECOURSE. Ellie is clutching on to her golden ticket and looking confused at FLEMINGTON RACECOURSE because where is the candy? Bachie meets Ellie in a horse and carriage and she seems shocked which is odd because horses are a wee bit synonymous with FLEMINGTON RACECOURSE (as are drunk people sans one shoe and dignity).

Bachie and Ellie meet Gai Waterhouse (because nothing says first date like Gai Waterhouse) and they touch the Melbourne Cup #NotAEuphamism Ellie gushes about the date Bachie planned and how much thought he put into it and I just don’t know if these girls know old mate does not have that much pull.

Bachie and Ellie have a cute trackside sip and nibble #AlsoNotAEuphamism with candles that serve absolutely no purpose because it’s daytime. They have a beautiful and wholesome date and they just make me sick. Ellie gets a rose in a move that shocked absolutely fkn nobody.

daytime candles

Back at the McMansion, someone named Jessie (who?) says Monique, Renee, Nikki, Julia, Jessica, Helena, Nichole with an H, Katherine, Jessie and Mary will be going on a group date and it’s just wonderful to see polygamy alive and well.

The group date gang hop into their HYUNDAI to get to their date with Bachie. Once they arrive in their HYUNDAI, they get out of their HYUNDAI and walk onto a footy field.

not sponsored

Osher arrives with Bachie, an AFL player and AFLW player and announces they’ll be playing a modified version of AFL and I am not filled with confidence that Osher hasn’t just made up his own game because I see nets on the damn field. The girls play the game of….I mean, I don’t even know what that was. Mary laments about not being able to play the game and how there should be an easier way to find love and I’m not sure if she’s heard of Tinder?

Nichole with an H wins some one on one time with Bachie and says she’s happy because he’s that guy that all the girls want. Thank god that’s cleared up because I had no idea what this show was all about. Nichole gets a stumpy rose #StillNotAEuphamism and there’s an awkward should-we-kiss moment before they start talking about cheese, which should have been the feature of the episode because that sounded like a gouda chat.

At the cocktail party, it’s announced Bachie will pick the next single date winner before the rose ceremony and all the girls get their Katniss faces on and it’s feeling less champers, more arsenic. It’s hinted the date will involve a supercar experience and Monique plans a scanvenger hunt for Bachie showing her blatant love for extreme sports and it’s completely transparent and god damn genius because she gets the date card and Nichole with an H is pissssssssssssed.

At the rose ceremony, sombre Osher announces three bachettes will be leaving tonight. Bachie is wearing the same suit Osher did last week and it’s clear Channel 10 blew their wardrobe budget on Gai Waterhouse and daytime candles.

Jessica, Jessie and Renee are sent home and I low-key think it’s because Bachie doesn’t want to have to remember Jessie from Jessica.

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