Rhiannon, who has apparently been there the whole time, but I feel like snuck in sometime between the first cocktail party and diary-gate, had a one-on-one date with Badgie. They went on a hot air balloon ride, which Badgie reckons broke his bank account and I think I could hear every producer on the show facepalm at the same time. They had the most awkward date imaginable – Badgie asked her what love meant to her and seasons actually changed by the time she answered.
Back at the mansion, Emily (who?) announces there’s a group date coming up for Vanessa Sunshine, Romy, Alisha, Brittany, Cass and Shannon (also who?). The girls split up into two HYUNDAIS and drive to their destination in their HYUNDAIS and go offroad in their HYUNDAIS.
Badgie and Osher, but mostly Osher, announced the group will be camping overnight and despite it being blatantly obvious that none of these girls have stepped on a blade of grass in their lives, everyone was jumping up and down at the prospect of nature. These girls could give Meryl a run for her money with that performance. Truly.
Badgie had some alone time with Romy, who starts bitching (shock, I know) about Vanessa Sunshine and told him that VanSun isn’t attracted to his weird curly hair and creepy mustache. Badgie asked VanSun, who confirmed she would definitely love to give him a makeover (wouldn’t we all?) and she feels like love and attraction is something that grows over time and oh my god I think she is the most normal person to have been on this show ever #VanSunforTheBachelorette
Romy snuck into Badgie’s swag (not a euphemism) and bragged the next morning about having a ‘good snug’ (also not a euphemism) to a very encouraging Alisha, who I’m beginning to think is really just a wing woman at this point.
There was a rose ceremony sans cocktail party and I gotta wonder how anyone coped without a flute or five of bubbles to see them through. In a completely unpredictable and not at all staged turn of events, it was down to Romy and VanSun for the final rose. After five minutes of brooding and voiceovers from our bachettes about how evil the other is, Badgie gave his rose (still not a euphemism) to Romy and I can’t even.